Man considering hair transplant surgery is conflicted whether to spend money on the hair loss treatment or pay his bills.
I have been saving up for almost a year now to have hair transplant surgery done on my head, a combination of scalp reduction and implants. I did all the research, found a great hair transplant surgeon and I’m ready to go. One problem, one big problem: I have not told my wife about it. I am pretty sure she is going to flip out. Not about me wanting to do it, but about me saving up money behind her back, especially when we have some mounting bills to be paid off. I’m afraid she will be angry that I didn’t tell her, and then she’s going to be even angrier that I want to do this rather than pay some bills. Not sure what to do. Should I just scrap it for now and filter the money back into our checking account for bills? Or do I stand my ground and do what I set out to do?
— Dazed and Confused, Atlanta
Dear Dazed and Confused –
Bet you wish I had a great big rewind button so you could start this whole situation over again with something that is really important to have in your relationship — heartfelt communication. Don’t get me wrong. I hear that the surgery is important to you, and I am not so sure why you kept your wife out of this process. I’ll have to take an educated guess at this and imagine that the two of you don’t always see eye to eye on your finances, which makes all of this sound like one big setup for her to be disappointed in you and for you to get to feel like the “irresponsible one” in the relationship. Call it a stab in the dark or a direct hit. It just doesn’t follow any real logic as to why you chose to fly solo on this one.
With all of this said, it is going to be important for you to express the absolute truth to her. She will probably not be thrilled to hear this, yet it will be crucial for both of you to not get too caught up in this chapter but instead to see the larger story and how it plays out in your overall connection. One does not need a doctorate to see that there is an intimacy gap between the two of you. And, don’t let my saying that stop either of you from taking advantage of the opportunity this situation is presenting. If you can work through this by seeing the story as information, you’ll go a great distance in treating the patient, and not the symptoms. If your overall values, goals and love for each other are strong, clearing this up will open a lot of doors for your relationship.
Dear Mitch is written by “The Relationship Coach”, also known as Mitch Newman, M.A.. Write Dear Mitch at DearMitch@hairloss.com or follow this link to fill out a form. Every letter is carefully reviewed but because of the large numbers of letters we receive, not every letter can be answered.
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