Man has thinning hair, but it's the excess of hair all over his body that has him feeling desperate.
I don't suffer from hair loss; I have too much hair. Way too much. I am thinning on top, but it’s nothing serious. I'm 42-years-old. But I've always had a ton of body hair. Just a ton. I have hair growing thick on my back, shoulders, neck, upper arms, legs -- everywhere. I'm single and divorced. My wife had said she "didn't mind it," but I think she did. I've always been somewhat traumatized by all this hair, since I was a kid, but now that I'm single again, it's really working on me emotionally. It's rare to have hair growing on your back. Nobody can tell me it isn't. I stand out to women, and I'm sure most women do not like a super-hairy man. It seems like these days they like it the opposite. How do I come to terms with this, Mitch? I've never invested money in manscaping because it is expensive, but now I'm feeling desperate.
Leo, Great Falls, Montana
Dear Leo –
First of all, it’s not strange to have hair growing on your back. As you get older, expect to notice more nose hair and, oddly enough, hair growing out of your ears and on your lobes. It’s not fun. Not attractive to most people who go through this. And I think this is really the issue for you. How do you feel about all of this hair? You use the word “traumatized,” yet what does that mean? Does it disrupt the flow of your day? Make you self-conscious in social situations? I think you really need to get more specific with yourself how all of this feels and plays out in your life. I would imagine that if this had bothered your wife, she would have said something. It doesn’t sound like this was related to why you divorced. Clearly, you’re not happy about it. Get to the root (no pun intended) causes and then consider your options.
Right off the bat, you could take the approach that there are women who like hairy guys and others who don’t. Does this narrow the market for you when it comes to dating? Perhaps. You could also reconsider just getting your back waxed. You can manage your chest and other areas with a sideburn trimmer. This would minimize the cost to keep you well groomed and feeling better about yourself.
Which leads me to the last point, and this is the meat of it: Are you using the excessive hair as an excuse to avoid being vulnerable and opening yourself up to the possibility of being hurt again in a new relationship? Your marriage may have been a place of finally feeling accepted for all of you and since that is now done, you may have fallen back into issues you’ve held about body hair since you were much younger. You may want to explore this issue first, before making any decisions about the action you want to take. Good luck!
Dear Mitch is written by “The Relationship Coach”, also known as Mitch Newman, M.A.. Write Dear Mitch at DearMitch@hairloss.com or follow this link to fill out a form. Every letter is carefully reviewed but because of the large numbers of letters we receive, not every letter can be answered.
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