Dear Mitch Boss Gets Rug Pulled from Under Him
Boss Gets Rug Pulled from Under Him
Tuesday, 21 April 2009 07:10
Boss wearing a hair system, a nonsurgical hair loss treatment, feels exposed after terminating employee.
I manage an office of 16 people. I terminated an employee for just cause about ten days ago. It didn’t go good. As the employee walked out of my office to get her things, she yelled loud enough for everyone to hear something like “By the way, everyone laughs at your ridiculous rug. You are the joke of the office.”
I have never felt so mortified. Everyone is avoiding me and acting different. I’m angry thinking that people have been joking behind my back to other employees. I wear my hair to make myself feel better. I’m not trying to win a beauty contest. But now I feel incredibly self-conscious. I’m not asking you how my hair could look better. I am asking you this: How should I deal with the office? The routine needs to get back to how it was before. But I feel like I need to confront everybody, alone or together. Foolish or wise?
— Mortified Boss, Ontario Canada
Dear Mortified –It appears that the pink elephant in the room has been introduced, and now no one wants to talk about it. Except perhaps, maybe you. Unfortunately with the wide range of emotions you are currently experiencing, now would not be the best time for you to do so.
Mortified, angry, self-conscious. These are feelings that need some processing so you can move from a desire to “confront” others to a place of communicating whatever message is ultimately appropriate for you. It’s easy to imagine that others are avoiding you for the exact reasons you believe to be true. But consider the possibility that they are sensing your energy and emotions, and through a desire for self-preservation and job security, are avoiding you like the plague.
You must be open the very real possibility that the employee is not being honest and merely projecting her own feelings about you to the other employees. After all, her dramatic scene-stealing exit wasn’t all that kind to the rest of the office. Beware.
Remember – there is no logic to be found in an emotional state. If the goal is to get things back to normal, take some time to air out your feelings with a friend, family member or therapist. Once you process through the feelings you will be able to determine what is real and what is story. At this point, meeting with everyone individually might be a more effective tool for you to express your experience, and to allow each of them to do the same. You are the boss, the leader, and by modeling ownership of your experience you inspire others, and raise the bar in the office in areas of communication and connection.
Once this cycle is completed you’ll find the broadcasted announcement was a huge gift that just didn’t arrive with a fancy bow.
When things quiet down and normal reappears, ask yourself -- In what ways has the wearing of hair allowed you to sidestep your own issues of Self-loving and Self-acceptance? If it is happening in the workplace it is more than likely happening in your personal life. Good luck!
Dear Mitch is written by “The Relationship Coach”, also known as Mitch Newman, M.A.. Write Dear Mitch at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or follow this link to fill out a form. Every letter is carefully reviewed but because of the large numbers of letters we receive, not every letter can be answered.
Keywords: Hair Systems
