Hair Extensions Cause Wedding Woes

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Dear Mitch

Hair Extensions Cause Wedding Woes

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Tuesday, 30 November 2010 00:00

Groom is upset that his bride wants to enhance her appearance with hair extensions on their special day.

I’m getting married this month. I have plans to get hair extensions to lengthen my hair and make it fuller and more beautiful for our special day. The problem is that "Aaron", my husband, is against it. He says that I’m being “fake” and that I should be “real.” He is really upset about it, and I’m wondering if he’s right, even though everyone I know says he’s being silly. He says such things as, “I want you to look like the girl I fell in love with,” which rings hollow to me. I tell him tons of women wear them, but he says, “Why do you want to be like other women?” I can’t win. Before this, we were doing perfectly in getting along. What should I do and what is this telling me about the man I’m going to marry? He hasn’t made any threats or ultimatums, and I know he won’t. But it’s still upsetting.

— Confused Bride, Anaheim, CA

Dear Confused Bride –

Well, you now have me confused. Here is a man who is telling you that on your wedding day he wants you to look like the person he fell in love with, and your reaction/response is that it “rings hollow to me.” It rings hollow because you doubt what he is saying or you’re just so firmly convinced that what you want is most important? I also get nervous when people say things such as, “Before this we were doing perfectly in getting along.” Yikes! Does this mean you never have a difference of opinion about anything
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? You always see eye to eye? That would be more of a concern to me than anything else you’re bringing forward.

How the two of you resolve challenges is going to be crucial to moving forward and staying together. What this should tell you about the man you’re going to marry is that he has his own opinion, that he loves you the way you look without adding anything else to the picture. Last time I checked this wasn’t a crime but something that needs to be celebrated.

If you want extensions because they make you feel better about yourself, then be honest with him and tell him that. Leave the fact that other people are doing it out of the equation because clearly that will ring hollow to him. Many times in your relationship you will face challenges -- some tiny, some significantly larger. The goal is for the two of you to work together to come to a resolution, maybe even, yes, a compromise! The key is that you both do so having all of the information and a clear understanding of how each of you are feeling about whatever is on the table.

My immediate suggestion in dealing with the issue at hand is to consider having some extensions put in prior to the big day as a way for him to see them and experience you wearing them. He may shift his position, and, just maybe, you might too.

Good luck!

Dear Mitch is written by “The Relationship Coach”, also known as Mitch Newman, M.A.. Write Dear Mitch at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or follow this link to fill out a form. Every letter is carefully reviewed but because of the large numbers of letters we receive, not every letter can be answered.

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