Dear Mitch Man Put in Place Over Hair Loss
Man Put in Place Over Hair Loss
Monday, 01 February 2010 00:00
Man's complaints about his hair loss to his brother leads to a sibling quarrel about what is really important.
I’m a 42-year-old man with an excellent job, an excellent salary, a beautiful home and beautiful, intelligent wife and kids. Most of my life I have been what most people would consider “very good looking.” I was an athlete in high school and college. I’ve maintained my fighting weight, and life is good. Except that I have lost some of my hair. Not very much, but sometimes I feel very self-conscious about it. I was talking with my brother in my home office, and I suppose I was complaining about my hair loss. He unleashed a fury that only a big brother could, telling me, among other things, that I was “pathetic” to have so, so much and to spend even a minute complaining about my lost looks. He made me feel very small. Mitch, is he right? Am I petty and small for “wanting it all” and wishing I still had my physical looks on top of everything else I’ve achieved? Is there something wrong with that?
— Put in His Place, Orlando, FL
Dear Put in His Place:
There’s a funny little thing about loss. Or, perhaps it really isn’t so funny. Everyone else knows how we should be feeling about it, whether we should be feeling anything at all, and how long those feelings should last. It’s not enough that we spend an inordinate amount of time shoulding all over ourselves — we now have others willing to join in the process.
Look, it sounds like you have a pretty beautiful life. Not seeing a crime being committed at this point. It appears that you enjoy those around you who you love and see them as beautiful, as well. Still, I see no need to call in the FBI. And it sounds as if you have all the trappings and “things” one could want to create a well-engaged life. Once again, I’m not prepared to recommend you be profiled as “too beautiful” and put on the no-fly list. Here’s the bottom line: How you relate to the issue is the issue! If your brother thinks you’ve lost perspective and you don’t, no issue. Since he does and you have reached out to me (Thank you, by the way, and good for you for doing so), I’m imagining something is up for you.
Part of what might be playing out is your long-standing family dynamic, with him being “the big brother” and all the nonsense that may entail for you. “He made me feel very small” is really code for your own judgments you have of yourself around living/being small. No one makes you feel anything without your permission, so to me this is great information where your self-judgments lead to unearthing belief systems you have about yourself. My encouragement would be for you to look at this a little more deeply. Could your pursuit of such a beautiful life be masking these deeper concerns? Certainly. Could you benefit from easing back on your “want” list and just “be” with what you have? I think so. Could you benefit from spending some additional time in the land of gratitude? Who wouldn’t! Could you gain valuable insights, information and products on this site to help you enhance your physical appearance? Absolutely. It’s never been a crime to want to look your best. I believe your brother’s reaction is a real gift for you in ways you might never have imagined.
Dear Mitch is written by “The Relationship Coach”, also known as Mitch Newman, M.A.. Write Dear Mitch at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or follow this link to fill out a form. Every letter is carefully reviewed but because of the large numbers of letters we receive, not every letter can be answered.
Keywords: Hair Loss Treatments
