Dear Mitch Men, Hair Loss and Dating
Men, Hair Loss and Dating
Friday, 19 February 2010 00:00
A divorced man learns that the dating scene can be a struggle when you suffer from hair loss.
I am 52 and, if all goes as planned, will be finalizing my divorce within the next 10 days.
Here’s why I am writing to you. I started losing my hair by the time "Janet" and I met. By the time we graduated college together, I had lost most of my hair except for a little bit on the sides. Not to draw too much attention to myself, I opted to shave down completely — and by 30, hair, at least on my head, was a memory. It was never an issue for me, or for Janet, and I never once entertained doing anything about it. My life was going really well, and I was one of those guys who could pull off being bald. Until now.
A few months back I started dating again. Was I rusty? Yes. Also, I guess I had forgotten or maybe never realized just how important hair is to a lot of women. One woman told me that I have everything she’s looking for in a man except hair. I was stunned. At first I thought she was kidding. Another was a setup through a mutual friend, and despite what I thought was an excellent first date, the feedback was, “Really nice guy, but I don’t do bald.” She was actually upset that our friend didn’t tell her ahead of time that I was bald. I’ve been online on a few dating sites and have not gotten any responses. A few I have written to have not replied. Is this because I’m bald? Have I been sheltered in my previous marriage to the way the dating world works, or what? I mean, am I supposed to do something about this, like wear hair, or do I just hold out for another Janet who doesn’t care? This is all pretty confusing.
— Stunned in St. Paul
Dear Stunned –
I can understand how all of this is hitting you, having been off “the market” for as long as you have. The reality is women and men have had issues with people who are bald since the beginning of time, when judgments and opinions were first deemed of value! They have also had issues with people who are overweight, too thin, too tall, too short or have beards, mustaches, body odor and so forth. It’s called attraction, and, yes, we have been influenced by celebrities, media, fashion and all those touchstones of popular culture that tell us what we “should” be looking for. And, we all have our preferences on the physical level about what turns us off and on. It’s not about you, about who you really are on the inside and all the qualities that you have.
Some folks just can’t get past their “list,” and, quite frankly, forcing them to consider otherwise is not where you want to spend even five minutes of your time. Remember, it’s only personal if you take it so. Bottom line — there is something and someone out there for all of us. (And for those who have found themselves married multiple times, straying, or referred to as serial daters — apparently there is a lot more than just one!) I think the real issue here is how you really feel about being bald. It’s a lot easier when the one you were with for so long watched you gradually lose your hair. There was no other initial buy-in for her, so in many ways you probably never had to confront your own true feelings about it. Until now.
My advice would be to really check and get clear with yourself as to how you feel about being bald, and now single. No harm, no foul if you decide to scan this site and seek some great alternative options. The change might be good and fun for you. Who knows? Your other option is to hang out, realize it’s a long race and see what’s out in the dating world that grabs you, rather than reacting to what or who is rejecting you.
Dear Mitch is written by “The Relationship Coach”, also known as Mitch Newman, M.A.. Write Dear Mitch at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or follow this link to fill out a form. Every letter is carefully reviewed but because of the large numbers of letters we receive, not every letter can be answered.
