Dear Mitch Family Plots Hair Transplant for Dad
Family Plots Hair Transplant for Dad
Wednesday, 02 June 2010 00:00
Uncle threatens to blow the whistle on surprise hair transplant surgery gift from family.
My husband is only 45-years-old and has lost a lot of his hair. It bothers him quite a bit. It has very drastically changed the way he looks, and he feels it has affected his sales job in a negative way. After doing research on this Web site and being contacted by one of the experts about hair transplant surgery, our two adult children, his sister and I put our money together to buy him an operation, money he would feel he couldn't in good conscience spend on himself. When we approached his brother for a contribution, he became very offended (he is bald, too) and said we were meddling and completely out of line; he said he would blow the whistle on our surprise. Honestly, Mitch, is he right? We're all shocked. I know my husband, and there is no way he would get angry at our efforts to love him, but his brother's reaction (or should I say "overreaction") has the rest of the group doubting me. What's the right thing to do here?
Sara Smile in Salem, Mass.
Dear Sara:Keep smiling! Sometimes in life it’s important to do for others as they might refuse to do for themselves. Low self-esteem around this is generally not going to allow your husband to even think he deserves something of this nature. Doing this as a surprise is probably the only way he would possibly receive this as a gift. Knowing about it upfront, he would probably do what he could to sabotage your good intentions. Here’s the flip side: He may still say no. That would be his choice to do so, and I think it’s important to prepare yourselves for that possibility. Now hear this, because as irrational as what I am about to say may seem to you, it’s a possibility: He may be offended and perceive you as meddling in areas that challenge his manhood. That may seem a bit strange to you, as your intentions are wonderful. I’m just letting you know that men look at the world through their “men glasses,” as cloudy as they may be at times. This could be what has his brother up in arms. He may be reacting on your husband’s behalf before he even knows. He may also like knowing that they share the same challenge as brothers. Seeing his brother with hair may make him stand out even more, and that could be damaging to the status quo.
My sense is for you to keep going. If your brother-in-law wants to offer up the big reveal, there isn’t much you can do about it. I would make an attempt to dissuade him, and if all else fails, beat him to the punch, even if at that point you don’t have all of the money you need. It also may be helpful for each of you in the family to put together a heartfelt card as to why you all want to do this for him. I sense that when he knows this is coming from a place of support and love, it will go a long way toward helping him move forward. Bottom line: It’s still going to come down to his choice, but at least he will know who is standing in his corner and why.
Dear Mitch is written by “The Relationship Coach”, also known as Mitch Newman, M.A.. Write Dear Mitch at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or follow this link to fill out a form. Every letter is carefully reviewed but because of the large numbers of letters we receive, not every letter can be answered.
Keywords: Hair Transplant Surgery
