Parents have conflicting opionions on how their son should cope with his hair loss condition.

Should hair loss be something that makes people lose their happiness and feel as though their lives are ruined? At some point, aren’t they responsible for accepting what life hands them? My 24-year-old son lost his hair. He dropped out of college. He’s depressed and doesn’t date. I feel bad for him. He took after my wife’s father and her family. My wife, of course, is all compassion and sympathy, but me, well, I’m telling him to get over it. My wife thinks I’m being callous and insensitive. I think my son needs to stop feeling sorry for himself and move on with a life without hair.

What do you say?

— Russ F., Tampa, FL

Dear Russ:

You seem a bit conflicted. On the one hand you feel bad for your son, and on the other you’re all over him like white on rice to get over it. I think it would go a great distance if you developed just a little bit of empathy for his experience. I would imagine he has always had some issues around his own self-worth and happiness, and losing his hair probably pushed him over the edge. Plus, it’s a challenging time in his life, especially at such a young age, when he’s out there trying to get his bearings in the world. Dating can be such a powerful part of feeling accepted by others. Entering that world and navigating through it when the vast majority of men his age still have a full head of hair can put him at a disadvantage.

Clearly your son is going through an emotional time, and, quite frankly, sympathy from your wife also is not the answer.

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Listening, being compassionate, offering up solutions if he’s willing to hear them, all can go a long way in supporting him as he moves toward seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Also, having a man provide that comfort and support, especially his father, would be fantastic! Now, you may not see yourself wired in that way; yet whatever you can do to move in that direction, versus tossing him out of the nest and expecting him to just fly, would be supportive.

It would also be terrific if you would share what I’m saying with your wife so that the two of you approach him and relate to him in a more unified way. Right now you’re polar opposites, and both those extremes will cancel each other out. In the end he will need to pull himself up and out of this -- no one can do it for him. The best you can do is to simply and effectively give him a hand up. He’ll need to do the rest.

Dear Mitch is written by “The Relationship Coach”, also known as Mitch Newman, M.A.. Write Dear Mitch at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or follow this link to fill out a form.  Every letter is carefully reviewed but because of the large numbers of letters we receive, not every letter can be answered.

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