Dear Mitch Hair Transplant Causes Conflict
Hair Transplant Causes Conflict
Tuesday, 27 April 2010 00:00
Girlfriend says man's hair transplant surgery is a waste of relationship's resources.
I’ve noticed you get a lot of “divorced folks starting over” letters, so that's what's inspired me to write. I am one of those men who don’t really have a clue about relationships even though I was married for twenty-five years. Here I am in another relationship for over a year now and just as upside-down as ever. My ex liked to call me “passive aggressive” and other things not suitable for print. Here’s the deal. I have hair loss and finally have decided to have hair transplant surgery so I can have more hair. The costs are pretty high, but I really want to do it. My problem is my girlfriend is dead set against it. She thinks it’s a ridiculous waste of money -- unless I plan on leaving her and finding someone else. I really like her; I guess it’s love. But I really want to go through with this. She sees this as taking time and resources away from our relationship. I see it as giving me the chance to feel better about myself. I know it will help our relationship. She thinks I cancelled the procedure. I didn’t. I have no clue how to play this thing out, because I know that despite what she wants, I am going through with it. I’m just at such a loss as to what to say to her, because she is not even open to having the discussion. Can you help a clueless guy out here?
Clueless in Tarrytown, New York
Dear Clueless:
Or are you? In reading your letter, I get the sense that you’ve been sharing this clueless story for a really long time. It sounds great, but it just doesn’t ring true for me. Call it a hunch -- actually, more like intuition. Here’s what I’m getting. I think you’ve played that story to the hilt and are continuing to do so right now. The term “passive aggressive” has been thrown around and mishandled for a long time. It’s a great label, yet it often obscures what really might be going on. Maybe, just maybe, you’re slightly full of poop. (Sorry, I have a 2 ½-year-old, so I’m quite familiar with poop when I see it.) Now, I say that with respect because most of us running around with a story for so long actually begin to believe it’s true. To you it’s not poop. For me I know my poop -- it’s poop. The way I see it is that you get to be not responsible for your behavior and your choices, especially around communication, because you have this story running that excuses you from any wrongdoing. I think it’s time to wake up and begin to approach your life sans the story of being clueless and take some hard responsibility for your choices and decisions. If you want this surgery -- and she’s not writing the check for it -- go for it! But you have to tell her straight up what the deal is. No sideways communication. No keeping quiet and doing it anyway. Straightforward. So, here’s the deal: “I appreciate your feelings and this is ultimately my choice, and I hope you can respect it because I like you, actually, love you, and would appreciate your support.” Whew! It’s a long sentence, so you may want to break it up into smaller bites.
Time to get real here. And I share this with you not because I’m telling you what to do. I just think you may find you’re pretty tired of the clueless story and are ready to give it up. You had a good run. Try something new. Authenticity never hurt anyone. If nothing else, you get to speak your truth in a way that you probably never considered before. And, if this relationship disappears, at least you will have gained something far more important -- your dignity and self-respect.
Dear Mitch is written by “The Relationship Coach”, also known as Mitch Newman, M.A.. Write Dear Mitch at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or follow this link to fill out a form. Every letter is carefully reviewed but because of the large numbers of letters we receive, not every letter can be answered.
Keywords: Hair Transplant Surgery
