Hair Loss Has Him Backed Into Corner

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Dear Mitch

Hair Loss Has Him Backed Into Corner

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Monday, 08 August 2011 00:00

His hair loss has him creating stories in his life that are both depressing and disempowering.

I'm bald, nearly 40, still single and have not been out on anything that one would consider a date in over a year. My confidence is shot. I’ve thrown in the towel. I just feel so overwhelmed by a society that says hair is king and those who don’t have it are second rate. Some men can do bald. Not me. I’m not suave. Not particularly funny. Not a great dresser. Average for me would be exceeding the bar. I know I sound pretty negative because I really am. My parents think I need to be medicated, to talk to a shrink because I’m depressed. I’m not sure if they’re right or I’m just being realistic. Can confidence return? Is it possible for me to turn this around and see the glass as half full, or do I just stay the course and aspire to be average for the rest of my life?

Down for the Count, Boston, MA

Dear Down for the Count –

First of all, I’m not convinced that you haven’t simply backed your way into a story. Or, in your case, a whole slew of stories. People who talk about how “not” they are usually are the ones who are addicted to self-deprecating patterns of behavior that are not necessarily based on any substantial body of evidence. You may just suffer from giving up too easily -- and doing so for such a long period of time in your life that it’s actually created a level of confidence and truth to your madness. I do believe you can turn this around, simply because you put your fingers to a keypad and risked writing to me. If you had really thrown in the towel, I doubt you would have found this site and, in particular, my column. Dare I say that I think you’re crying out for help? I have a box of tissues and some ideas that could really help you turn this.

Stop the stories. Give them up for an hour and work your way slowly up to an entire day. Catch yourself when you start spewing negative thoughts and ideas about others and yourself. You’re creating a self-perpetuating line of energy that will always match those around you. Choose a different choice.

Start taking care of your body. Work out. Walk. Eat healthy -- start seeing your body as the instrument you use to carry everything around with you every day. Get your heart rate up. Be aware of the foods you’re putting into your body and the types and timing of your meals.

What are you feeling versus what are you judging? I know this will be a great exercise to help you and others distinguish between the two. Feelings are happy, mad, glad, sad, disappointed, frustrated, and so forth. Judgments are statements on the character, integrity or intention of another, including you! If you’re going to entertain feelings, make some choices to focus on what feels good as opposed to focusing on what feels bad. Take what feels bad and feel it for a limited amount of time; then turn it on its side and see it from a different angle. Notice that the judgments you hold against others and yourself only hold you back. When you realize this is as good as it’s going to get and what you’re getting truly sucks, you’ll be willing to experiment.

Do you adhere on any level to a higher power other than your own ego? If not, we need to pick an arena and focus energy on it. I do believe it’s important to experience something greater than your own will to defeat yourself. A higher power shares with you the powerful opportunities out in the world. It can take you from surviving to thriving, from victim to victory, and it can do so almost overnight.

The above four arenas of coverage are the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. Master these options on each level and you can’ t help bu
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t pull yourself out from under. As you master one, move on to the next, and so on.

I hope you find this helpful.

Dear Mitch is written by “The Relationship Coach”, also known as Mitch Newman, M.A.. Write Dear Mitch at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or follow this link to fill out a form. Every letter is carefully reviewed but because of the large numbers of letters we receive, not every letter can be answered.

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