Dear Mitch He Looks and Acts Like His Bald Dad
He Looks and Acts Like His Bald Dad
Monday, 08 August 2011 00:00
Son is following more than his father's hair loss; he' s acting out in negative way s modeled to him by his father.
I'm 19 and I'm going bald. I'm beginning to look like my dad. That's not my problem, though. My problem is that I'm beginning to act like my dad. He's always upset. Always angry. Always chewing out my mom. Never satisfied. I've been in my relationship with Lisa for a year. She's my first major girlfriend. About a year ago my mom warned me that I was like my dad, and now I think she's right. I get angry. I say things I don't mean and feel terrible about it. I make big things out of small things. I'm realizing that these are not things I can control, and I don't want to lose Lisa. What should I do? I'm not a book reader, and I don't know if I can afford to invest in therapy unless I really knew I would get better and things would improve. Help!
The Apple That Didn't Fall Far from the Tree, Los Angeles, CA
Dear Bearer of Unwanted Fruit –
What you’re experiencing is what we call transgenerational patterning. We learn how to “be” in the world by watching our parents. Even when we discover things we don’t like, we often find clever ways to repeat them. I will tell you that you’re way ahead of the curve by discovering this so young. Most people come to this realization 20-30 years later and then have those behaviors so embedded in their consciousness that the road out is generally a longer trip. At your young age you have a great head start toward nipping this in the bud before your life really takes off.
My suggestion is to look at those behaviors and patterns you have identified as ones you’ve taken on from your dad. Write them down, and for each one ask the following question: “What do I get from acting or behaving this way?” Now, if your answer to any of these is “nothing,” then I want you to think again. We always get something from what we do, even if we don’t like it. Once we know the reason, we get to see if it is indeed beneficial to us, or not. We understand the purpose it may have served, or be serving, and then we get to decide if that behavior is really in our best interest. If it’s not, then what would be? We can then insert a new behavior to see if through consistent, committed action over time we can create a new pattern. There’s also a great feeling of accomplishment once we’ve done this, knowing that we’ve given this to ourselves, and in service to our higher good.
As for getting the support around this, I would highly encourage you to do whatever it takes to be mentored in this process. Trust this -- the price of not getting the support will end up costing you much more later on down the line. And, I’m not even talking about the money. Good luck picking your own fruit!
Dear Mitch is written by “The Relationship Coach”, also known as Mitch Newman, M.A.. Write Dear Mitch at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or follow this link to fill out a form. Every letter is carefully reviewed but because of the large numbers of letters we receive, not every letter can be answered.
Keywords: Hair Loss Treatments
