When a man with hair loss begins wearing a hair system, his friends can't stop the jokes.

I’m a 46-year-old male who is healthy and happy. I have been bald since I was 22, so most people in my life nowadays have known me as a bald man. I came to terms with my hair loss and accepted it, and as a result, so have others. I have never been the brunt of jokes or been shown any disrespect. Recently I came across old photos of myself with hair, and all of a sudden my interest in hair was aroused. I researched high-end hair replacement options and began to experiment with wearing hair systems. I love it, Mitch! I love the way I look and feel. Some of my so-called friends, however, have been mercilessly gnawing me to the bone with cruel jokes and sarcasm and sneers. I’ve been accused of going through a mid-life crisis. I’m angry, so I’m avoiding these people. I don’t want to defend my choice. Last time I checked, it was still my head! I don’t want to replace my friends, but I can’t accept their disrespect either. What do I do or say? I’m at a loss. I hope you can help.

At a Loss, Sunnyvale, Calif.

Dear At a Loss:

Good for you for doing what feels right to you! I love to see and hear when people are exercising a great level of self-care. It’s not so surprising to me that your friends are having issues with your choice to wear hair. People tend to get uncomfortable when others take them out of the comfort zone they’ve enjoyed for so long. It doesn’t sound as if you attempted to prepare them or break it to them slowly; you just made your decision and went for it. The truth is it’s not your problem to get over -- it belongs to them. You didn’t put them or yourself at risk in this decision. And, like you said, last time you checked it was your head.

I do think you have a few options here to consider. I’m imagining this problem occurs a lot when you go out in groups. I would encourage you to make plans one-on-one with your friends so they can experience you and your new look when they are not surrounded by others who are equally uncomfortable. The mob mentality takes over, and you really don’t stand a chance. I would also encourage you to share from your heart how the comments and jabs really make you feel. It’s important for them to know just how hurt, and quite possibly disappointed, you are by their behavior. I think separating them from the pack is a really great way to go. I also want to encourage you to get clear on the quality of those friendships. Sometimes we grow to like people based on where we are and when that changes, so do the relationships. I’m not suggesting jumping ship and turning them in for newer models, just taking this opportunity to assess the relationships. I think if you consider what I’ve suggested, you’ll either make peace with them and yourself or find yourself making a choice to trim the herd and cultivate new friendships.

Dear Mitch is written by “The Relationship Coach”, also known as Mitch Newman, M.A.. Write Dear Mitch at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or follow this link to fill out a form. Every letter is carefully reviewed but because of the large numbers of letters we receive, not every letter can be answered.

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