Dear Mitch Hair Loss Obsession a Turn Off
Hair Loss Obsession a Turn Off
Tuesday, 21 April 2009 07:26
Wife is bothered by her husband's obsession with his hair loss, not by the hair loss itself.
My husband and I have been happily married for 9 years. Most people say we’re an “attractive couple”. The problem is that “Dan” is fast losing his hair. It doesn’t matter to me one bit. He has stayed in great shape and when he smiles, he’s the handsomest man alive. But he isn’t smiling much these days. He is obsessed with his hair loss and constantly making jokes that I’m going to leave him or that our sex will stop because I’m not attracted. I’m beginning to realize that he isn’t joking. He is on the Internet all night every night looking for a cure that doesn’t exist. His obsession and “jokes” are showing me a side of Dan that I have never seen. An ugly insecurity and weakness that doesn’t exactly turn on the flames. I am getting tired of reassuring him. His hair loss doesn’t bother me at all. How he is acting about it is beginning to bother me a lot. It has to stop. He has to believe me. What can I say to him to make him believe me and stop what he’s doing?
— Tired of Reassuring
Dear Tired of Reassuring:
Here’s the good news and the bad news. Bad news – There’s nothing more you can do to reassure him. Good news – There’s nothing more you can do to reassure him. Yep. You read that right. This is his issue and he is going to have to resolve it. The more you exert pressure to resolve this for him the more resentment, anger and animosity will show up. Bottom line – you are swimming against the current here and you need to stop for both your sakes.
With that out of the way, let me tell you how you can make a difference. First of all consider empathy. The simple fact that he is spiraling out of control indicates that this is touching a raw nerve for him. Your energy is crucial in not sending the wrong signal to his subconscious. Your words may be “I don’t care” but your energy, body language and facial expressions could be delivering another story; one that only activates his fear and anxiety even more. Simply imagine how challenging this is for him and connect to your loving on the deepest possible level. This will make a huge impact.
Secondly, instead of trying to “fix” his situation simply practice the art of listening and reflecting back to him what you hear him saying and feeling. I often call this “being the announcer” much like listening to a baseball game on the radio. This type of feedback and response will allow him to feel heard and also in a very subtle way, trigger his conscious mind to realize just how silly some of his words and behavior might be.
Lastly, when you see that he has returned safely to his body, that he is no longer triggered, ask to speak with him. You can talk about your feelings and concerns yet without all the “you” language and making him responsible for how you are feeling. Your relationship will start to right itself by you simply not taking the bait and joining his crusade against himself.
Dear Mitch is written by “The Relationship Coach”, also known as Mitch Newman, M.A.. Write Dear Mitch at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or follow this link to fill out a form. Every letter is carefully reviewed but because of the large numbers of letters we receive, not every letter can be answered.
Keywords: Hair Loss Treatments
