Dear Mitch Wife Fears Postpartum Hair Loss
Wife Fears Postpartum Hair Loss
Thursday, 25 March 2010 00:00
Wife who suffered postpartum hair loss after her pregnancy is hesitant to have another child.
I am a 42-year-old woman, married for 10 years with a 6-year-old boy. During my pregnancy I experienced almost total hair loss on my head, a condition called "telogen effluvium". There was no guarantee that it would grow back, either. My husband was not a huge fan, although he would probably never admit it. My hair eventually grew back, and I swore to myself and to my husband, Rick, that I would never put myself through that again.
My doctor basically told me on my last visit that I’m coming down to the wire if I want another child. I laughed it off and said we’re happy as is. When I shared the story with Rick, he suddenly changed his tune and said we really should consider having another child, if not for us, then for our son to have a sibling. I nearly fell off my chair. I love my son more than anything, and although I am grateful for what the experience has brought into my life, I can’t do this again. Rick thinks I’m now overreacting, that all of this is bigger than my hair and that I’m being selfish. Honestly, I don’t want to do this. Am I selfish? Is it wrong for me to love what I have, including my hair, and call it a day?
— Confused in Carolina
Dear Confused:
Let me first say there is no right or wrong here. It all comes down to choice. If guilt is playing a part on your end, then you really need to work through that. Making a decision from a heightened place of emotion is not going to serve you or anyone else. I think you need to explore this in a step-by-step approach, first talking to your doctor about your last experience and finding out the odds and percentages of possibly losing your hair again. I would then encourage you to have a heart-to-heart talk with your husband; lay out the realities and create an environment where both of you can share honestly and safely about what all of this was like for the two of you the first time around. When you allude by writing, “He would probably never admit it,” that’s a clear indication that the conversation never took place. Get to the bottom of the experience for both of you.
For many couples having a second child and knowing they’ll have each other is a source of comfort and joy. It may or may not look that way for you. It’s just going to help you in making the best decision if you examine it from different angles and perspectives -- one of them being to take you and your hair out of the equation. Some parents like to include children in parts of the conversation and allow them to weigh in on the matter. The difficulty in doing so can often be that a child doesn’t always quite know what he or she wants -- and that can change on a dime anyway. Now, if your son has been asking for a brother or sister and has been doing so for a while now, well, you know what he wants. I do agree with your husband that this issue is potentially bigger than your hair, and your feelings and experience need to be measured accurately, too. A second child impacts the entire family physically, mentally and emotionally, so knowing exactly where everyone stands on the matter will help you to make a family decision. My sense is that whatever you decide will be in the best interests of all of you. Let me know how it goes!
Dear Mitch is written by “The Relationship Coach”, also known as Mitch Newman, M.A.. Write Dear Mitch at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or follow this link to fill out a form.Every letter is carefully reviewed but because of the large numbers of letters we receive, not every letter can be answered.
Keywords: Hair Loss Treatments
