FIVE ESSENTIAL INNER ELEMENTS NEEDED TO ACHIEVE PEACE WITH YOUR HAIR LOSS … AND IN YOUR LIFE.
1. Forgiveness. It comes down to the age-old question: Do you want to be right … or happy? Most people have invested up the wazoo in being right. But, what is it that you think you are right about? That you are paralyzed to be in a relationship and have a deep connection with others? That you are now somehow “less than” because you have less hair than the Ralph Lauren model? What other judgments are you holding against each other? And if you had your hair back, do you really believe those deeper issues you have with yourself would be nonexistent? Does hair really have the power to decide your net worth? Forgiving yourself for the judgments you have against yourself (and others) is a way for you to make peace with all those voices that are spreading these lies about you. The only data here is that you are losing your hair or don’t have hair. Everything else we make up. Forgive yourself for all those stories and then be aware of how you draw those connections and relationships to you.
2. Acceptance. Don’t think of it as resigning yourself to suck it up; pretend that things happen for a reason — tell yourself you wouldn’t be in this situation if there wasn’t something to learn and a whole host of other valid but mental chatter. I want you to choose to be clear inside that every story you have created about yourself with hair and without is a real masterpiece. The fact that it was built on a foundation of nontruths is insignificant. The fact that you are unhappy, angry, resentful, and frustrated represents simply signposts that tell you have done an amazing acting job in cultivating just what you’ve believed to be true about life, hair, and the pursuit of your happiness. Now, imagine as you clear this entire story and fill it with the truth of who you really are just how powerful of an authentic story is right there at your fingertips. I want you to go from the old masterpiece and create your new master-peace on the inside and outside!
3. Compassion. When you close your heart because you deem it not profitable or perhaps even unsafe, you’re missing the point as to why you are here in the first place. There is no greater richness one can share than compassion. When you get to see your stories through the prism of your heart and not your head, you get to see what is real for you. And when you connect to that place inside that knows you are just fine, whole, and perfect in the imperfection, you shift the playing field. Those who see you differently because of the way you look or present yourself and treat you as such are simply identifying themselves as the root of the problem. And can you still make a choice to have compassion for them as you send them on their way? The key to compassion is giving it to others while at the same time honoring yourself with that same loving.
4. Trust. We often speak of trust as something we give to others, allowing them access into our hearts in relationships and into our minds in business. All we need is for one person to take advantage of this trust and we erect walls to protect us from anyone wanting entry into our lives. Can I trust my date with the knowledge that my clothes were not the only things I was wearing last night? Can I trust that he or she won’t leave after the “big reveal”? Trust is tricky simply because there is a bigger issue at stake than what you think you have given to others in words or deeds and your perceptions of how they’ve stomped all over you. The big question is: In what ways have I not trusted myself? Just how empty is that container inside of me? The bottom line, trust starts with trusting yourself, that inner knowing that your own actions, words, and behaviors are in alignment. When you examine and heal your own relationship with yourself around trust, you can then see the issues that separate you from others as mostly topical. And in the case of your hairlessness, this new-found clarity will allow you to get closer (intimacy) to someone physically and emotionally.
5. Spirit. Source, God, Allah, Buddha, The Universe — however you wish to refer to your connection to something larger than yourself. I’d like you to think of The Universe as the COO of your life, with you being an active and vigilant President and CEO. It is really a partnership. When you have this connection, you are much freer to experience yourself and others with open arms and an open heart, seeing obstacles around hair (yours or your partner’s) as real opportunities for greater connection and intimacy. Embracing this relationship with The Universe requires believing that all is good even when it seems that what is being reflected back to you in the mirror seems to suck. So, maybe you fake it until you make it until that inner voice begins to tell you otherwise.